Stuff My Kids Say: Episode 1

I was reading a book the other day and came across the perfect nicknames for my beautiful at-times-annoying children. I will now refer to them as Did Not (my son) and Did Too (my daughter). It fits them well because I swear it seems like they says those words more than anything else I ever hear, you know other than "MOMMY!!!" Sometimes I wonder why I spent so much time struggling over their names when I could have just made it easier on myself. 

So we all know that kids say the darndest things and we hope that no one is within listening distance to hear them, since a lot of what my kids say tends to be on the offensive side. For instance a couple of weeks ago I was driving to Alabama for a family member's funeral and on the 7 hour drive with the kids there was plenty of fighting from Did Not and Did Too. Unfortunately I realized the morning of the trip that Did Not had broken the portable DVD player and so now it would just be the three of us....for the whole trip....did I mention it was 7 hours? Oh yeah and an hour in Did Too was saying "Are we almost to AlaVama?" to which I replied that we had a LONG way to go and her response was "This is taking for a long time!" Too bad there are open container laws or else I would have had a nice beverage to help pass the time.

Anywho, my husband who can be a little bit of a worrywart, advised me to be careful about where I stopped for fear that we would all be taken as sex slaves I guess. Who knows. But to ease his mind I promised him that I would only stop at decent looking places. So I did. However an hour later Did Too realized that she had to poop so we were in a mad rush to find a place...decent or not. I mean this is a poop or clean situation. I take the former and rush to find a gas station. So as we're pulling off the highway I explain to Did Not that he must go in the bathroom with me instead of the boys since I don't know where we are. He is 5 and a half and likes the independence of going into the boys bathroom on his own when we are in public. I explain that since we're far from home he will have to come into the girls bathroom and it's because there could be weird people in the other bathroom. Well of course Did Too has to contribute to the conversation and proceeds to confirm my thoughts to her brother with this little gem "Yeah, they could be speaking Spanish". 

Clearly to her Weird translates to Spanish speaking individuals. My apologies to those of you who speak Spanish, I did warn you that my kids say somewhat offensive things. All I could do was nod and smile. 

A few months ago I picked up the kids from school and was told an interesting fact about one of Did Too's teachers. Here is the conversation:

Did Too: My Teacher Ms. ______ has a golden tooth. It's like treasure. 
Did Not: It kinda freaks me out.

Then the next time we go to the dentist I find out Did Not needs a cap and was told it would be silver. Well Did Too apparently wanted to discuss our options, so she asks the dentist if he has any golden teeth. Apparently she wants her brother to look like Flava Flave. 
To which his response after giving me an odd smirk was to say "we don't do that on this side of town". Good to know. 

So I don't believe that my kids are racist however I do believe that they are observant. Case in point:

Did Too: Mommy my teacher has nails like you
Did Not: No she doesn't, she's brown.
Me: What does that have to do with anything?
Did Not: *shrugs*
Did Too: Yes she does, she has nails just like Mommy
Did Not: Oh I thought you said a nose.

Well there you go. What do you say to that? It wasn't racist it was such an observation which was probably accurate. Another example of them being observant was when Did Not tried to let our dogs back in from outside and I hear "Mommy, the dogs are stuck together".

It's times like these folks that you thank your lucky stars they are too young to understand things and just see the humor in something. Oh and note to self, time to get the dogs fixed. 

And one final little gem I will leave you with that once again shows how honest and inappropriate kids are. We are on our way to Disney World last year and as we are descending to land my daughter starts laughing. I look over to see what she's laughing at since I am in the seat across the aisle from her and even though the sound of the plane is loud it was no match for Did Too trying to let the whole plane know why she was laughing. All you heard was laughing and then a loud declaration of "It's tickling my pee pee" 

Needless to say the other passengers were having a good laugh over it while I'm trying to hush her and my husband is trying to make sure no one thinks he was doing anything to her. Once again I told you he was a worrywart. 

That completes Episode 1 of Stuff My Kids Say. But don't worry they continue to amaze and publicly embarrass me on a regular basis so there will be more to come....and probably sooner than I would like to admit.